Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Solitude, Quiet and the Magic of Beads

While I want to be Susie Sunshine most of the time, there are times in my life, as I am sure there are in yours, that are a bit more challenging for me. For the last several years, I have been struggling with shoulder issues -- too many sports-related injuries as a kid, too much computer time, Blackberry and...heavy sigh...jewelry making. Yes, jewelry making. You'd never think that it could be physically difficult but believe me...the way I do it, it can be. I was so lucky to be in the hands of a wise Chinese medicine doctor in New York City who worked his magic with acupuncture and ancient "hot ginger treatments" when I would get into a flare state. Sadly, try as I might, I have not had the good fortune to find someone here who can do the same and believe me I have looked. I thought I may have met his match several weeks ago; only to be told yesterday that he was not able to treat me any longer since we were not making as much progress as he would like to see with acupuncture and physical therapy and that it was probably best to see my "doctor" for tests. Well, clearly, I was not ready to hear those words and, yes, in his office and then out in the car, I had a complete meltdown. It doesn't matter your age -- we are all entitled to meltdowns, to just let it all out no matter the place or time and just give in to ugly-face crying. That is what I did. My little Beatrix sat in her carseat offering compassion and love as only a four-legged furry friend can do -- and I love her for that, more than words can say. Well, I finally drove home and rinsed my face with cool water hoping the puffiness would subside before I ran the rest of my errands. Heck, I could have saved myself some time by just hanging my head out the window on the ride home, letting the cold rain that was falling depuff me. But, clearly, I wasn't thinking straight!

This morning I was still feeling a need for solitude and quiet and peacefulness all around. It was a perfect day for the simple yet strong green aventurine and crystal quartz bracelet that always brings me a sense of peace and grounding. It makes me feel peaceful when I look at it; but it also works like worry beads when I rub it. I worked through the day, with breaks here and there and exercises to try to work through the pain. I am convinced that I can make the shoulders better if I just keep a positive attitude about it and keep working on them. So, as evening comes, I honestly understand that my shoulders are no greater than a fly speck on the wall in the grand scheme of this thing called life. I'm lucky really, it's just my shoulders. I am fully aware that there are people with much greater challenges in their lives and my heart and love goes out to them. So, maybe it's the magic of the beads or maybe it is the magic of the years of life I have been fortunate enough to live. I do feel better tonight...if not physically...definitely emotionally.